Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Hooray for Cheetos!!

I haven't written for a while, I think I was too traumatized by the 530am workout in the dark with other people.  There have been a lot of things I've considered writing about and....yes, I'm writing about Cheetos. Crunchy Cheetos in particular.

I have never been a big chip fan, I can take them or leave them, but you put me within sniffing distance of a crunchy Cheeto- the family size bag does not stand a chance!! What is it about these flaming orange things that I can't resist and why do I continue to buy them?  It's a completely irrational and addictive love.  I buy them because my 5 year old loves them in her lunch. It's perfectly fine for me to have Crunchy Cheetos for breakfast, right?

Breakfast, for me it used to be a cup of coffee with milk- totally acceptable.  Now in addition to the Crunchy Cheetos there is something slightly more acceptable for breakfast, but equally bad.  Pop Tarts.  Seriously, when was the last time you ate a Pop Tart? These things are AWESOME!!  They come in so many yummy flavors.  I don't think I've eaten a Pop Tart since I was 9.  My daughter saw them at the store and I gave in and bought them.  I was making her snack and put one in there with some fruit. The problem; there are two Pop Tarts in the foil package.  What to do with the other one?  I eat the freakin' Pop Tart and it's so good!! Why do they make these things?  I am now addicted to Pop Tarts and eat one for breakfast every morning!! What is my problem?  I am a grown woman, I can not eat Pop Tarts and Crunchy Cheetos for breakfast!! I am supposed to be eating bran and green tea at my age, not Cherry Pop Tarts and Crunchy Cheetos!

I am now off to the gym to work off my breakfast! I don't even drink the coffee anymore so I can save the calories in the milk for my other choices!!  I have issues! 

Monday, January 9, 2012

Yeah Exercise! You have got to be kidding me!

My lovely husband has been participating in one of those "boot camps" in the park every weekday morning at 530am.  Now, I enjoy getting up early and a good brisk 20 minute walk with the dog, but to get up that early and go exercise with a bunch of other people...no way. 

Now, if I had seen some amazing transformation in my husband's physique I might have been more enthusiastic about joining him in these sessions.  He is about the same weight and really there haven't been any more muscles emerging. The only thing it seems to do is make him very sweaty and want to have more sex because he feels "more buff!"  He attends the boot camp about 3 times a week and he still eats a ton of food including a mountain of ice cream every night! He's not fat, he's tall 6 ft. 1in. and weighs about 200lbs.  I have also met several people in his boot camp and the women are not slender- they are large. 

For the most part I have not been able to attend a guest day because we have a young daughter and I don't feel right about driving to a park and being gone for over an hour.  I hate organized exercise.  I was always the tall dorky girl in the exercise class going the wrong direction.  However, over the holidays we had 6 extra people in the house and I had no excuse.  He has harassed me for 2 years to go with him...so I did. 

This was like a gym class nightmare for me.  We live in Southern California where 45 degrees is reason to light a fire and hibernate.  I think the morning I attended "boot camp" it was 37 and I hate cold weather.  I have spent my entire life escaping cold, I grew up in Minnesota, I've served my time in the cold. My husband was very proud to introduce me to all his boot camp buddies.  It was  5:20am and I really didn't feel like chit chatting. I did manage to unclench my jaws long enough for something like a chuckle to escape.  We did a few nice warm-ups not too bad and then we were told we were going to run- joy of joys! I do like running a couple miles, but oh no- this was running a minute as fast as you can followed by a minute of walking, 30 seconds of hard running, 30 sec of walking, 15 sec of hard running, 15 sec of walking.  I want to die, my lungs are screaming, but I am competitive, I don't want to be last! Must win.  I am nuts!  So, we do this a couple of times around the park.  It's dark, where am I? Why am I here? Oh yes, I don't want my husband to be upset and maybe he will stop bugging me about it! 

Now, we move on to ab exercises- I swear I was sore for 3 days straight, whatever we did, it burns!! I want to die. I have re-confirmed I hate group exercise.  My husband also failed to teach me the little chant they do at the end, something about being fired up- oh I'm fired up alright.  I was trying to be joke about it with my husband, but  he saw it as complaining and whining.  Okay- works for me! I don't think he will be inviting me back.  I will stick to my neighborhood walks with the dog and the occasional visit to the treadmill at the gym.  Works for me.  I did decide to try the Zumba class at my gym and for an uncoordinated person with no rhythm, it was an interesting social experience and perhaps I will expand on that at some point!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Post Christmas Entertainment!!

Okay, I've survived Christmas and the gift-giving, now comes the fun of entertaining everyone.  Somehow my husband thought it would be awesome to have everyone watch our wedding video...Really!!!!????

This is not fun for me, it's painful and yet I'm supposed to look excited and happy to watch it- seriously I didn't want a wedding video for this exact reason.  I didn't want to subject people to watching it 14 years later and yet here I am watching a less wrinkled version of myself- all hopeful and happy. 

And why is it no matter how current and classic you think your wedding is at the time- within 5 years it's completely outdated!! I hate my veil it looks like it should have been on top of the cake, and all my bridesmaids have some hideous pile of Medusa curls on top of their head.  The only smart one was my maid of honor! She had shorter hair and no pile of ridiculous curls!! My hair is in an up-do and looks non-existent and I look like I have two black eyes from the ugly eyeshadow.  Ughhhhh!!!!!!!! If somebody accidently taped over this video  I would be so happy!!

Ahhh, the things they don't tell you about marriage- 

1. Your husband will pee all over the toilet seat and  down the side of the toilet- you will discover this is why your bathroom always smells like pee. 

2,  Your husband will actually suggest getting a little rug for in front of the toilet, so that no one will notice he's peed outside the toilet.  THIS IS NOT AN OPTION!!!! PEE IN THE TOILET!!!!!

3. Your husband takes the obey part he says of the vows seriously- he really wants you to obey, especially when it comes to NOT wearing sweatpants to bed at night even though he insists on keeping the house like the frozen Siberian Tundra.

4. No matter how much your husband says he will help with the kids, he won't unless you ask.  It doesn't matter if your dead tired from working, making dinner, cleaning up etc.  The husband will still sit in front of Monday Night Football as you try to wrangle a filthy, tired child upstairs to the bathtub.  There is not a bone in his body that feels the need to help! 

5. When you finally ask for help, your husband will tell you to quit complaining!

6. After he's done watching the game and likely taking a nap and you're done washing the fiesty 5 year old, getting teeth brushed, hair dried, reading to them etc. The husband will come upstairs take off his clothes and expect you to be a porn star in bed.  At this point, all I'm thinking is- please let me lay here and get this over with so I can walk the dog!

These are just a few things no one tells you about marriage.  I know there are many more and I will expand on this at a later date I'm sure.  In the mean time, have a good laugh and watch your wedding video!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Christmas Day!

The presents are open, the turkey is in the oven...and I'm exhausted- I didn't even cook the turkey myself, but after a late night of playing Santa and the excitement of opening gifts, I'm ready for a nap.  I have a house full of people and I'm coordinating bath towels and showers.  Fa La La La! 

The beautiful turkey came from a local restaurant that will cook the turkey for you!!  It looks perfect and I could easily pass the thing off as my own, but there's no mess! It's awesome! There will be fire-roasted yams with brown sugar and cranberries along with stuffing and mashed potatos!! The only thing I manged to do on my own were the cookies, chocolate chip and sugar cookie cutouts- I can't even say I did thoses on my own- my 5 year old daughter was much more creative than I was!

I have six extra people and 2 extra dogs.  Honestly it's not as bad as it sounds, now there are other people here to entertain my 5 year old!

Now I'm off to see the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie "Chipwrecked" seriously how did I get roped into this one! All the other adults are going to see Sherlock Holmes and the George Clooney movie.  Why am I going to see "Chipwrecked"?  Because I'm a mom!

Merry Christmas! I survived!!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Pre-Christmas Craziness

How is it that every Christmas there are the 10 last minute people you forget to buy gifts for...or the people who give you gifts that you're now obligated to get something for. 

I attended a little get together with some friends- thought it was just for a friendly coffee and suddenly everyone is giving me something!! Ughhhhh- no- can I duck under the table, hide somewhere- no gifts.  I am a terrible ungrateful person.  Now these people are not close friends- I like them, I like seeing them every once-in-awhile, but I don't know them well enough to actually get them a gift that's anything they might actually want.  So, I will take the easy way out and buy them something appropriately generic that says, thank you for your gift, here's mine in return.  I don't want to be the lame person who does nothing.  I can just feel guilty about getting a crappy gift!

On that note, I go to my daughter's aftercare program and she's got a white elephant gift exchange in 2 days- no one told me about this.  While I'm at Walmart buying a gift for a 5-year old's white elephant gift exchange, I figure I had better get the 2 aftercare teachers something- not that I don't want to give gifts, I really do! However I'm so stressed out about giving a crappy gift that I would rather give no gift! No stress, just guilt!! Does it ever end?  Please don't buy me anything!!

My daughter's Kindergarten class asked for volunteers to donate things to the Holiday Party, my contribution was 25 plastic forks!! Woo Hoo! Nothing creative and I get to feel good about helping.

I truly must  be Scrooge because I am so stressed over the holidays. I am going to need a double dose of Botox just to unfurrow my Christmas frown! My husband-  loves Christmas and the Holidays, any Holiday! He's at Home Depot for the Black Friday sales to buy wreaths and garland. Fa la la la la!! He's get the best sense of design, he truly missed his calling. Our house is tastefully and beautifully decorated, I can not take any credit for it, I don't even try.  My contribution was to drink the entire bottle of Bailey's while decorating the tree.  My 5 year old daughter did a better job decorating the tree than I did, I thought the Bailey's might help my creativity, honestly there is nothing that can help me  in that department. I am the least creative person I know.  Wait....the Bailey's is kicking in!! The holiday spirit is heartwarming- I will truly enjoy the holidays this season- who am I kidding?  When will this craziness end? I'm sure I'll be at Target 10 more times before Christmas Day.  I am good at
un-decorating, I love the finality of putting away all the STUFF!! 

Until next time! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!