Okay, I've survived Christmas and the gift-giving, now comes the fun of entertaining everyone. Somehow my husband thought it would be awesome to have everyone watch our wedding video...Really!!!!????
This is not fun for me, it's painful and yet I'm supposed to look excited and happy to watch it- seriously I didn't want a wedding video for this exact reason. I didn't want to subject people to watching it 14 years later and yet here I am watching a less wrinkled version of myself- all hopeful and happy.
And why is it no matter how current and classic you think your wedding is at the time- within 5 years it's completely outdated!! I hate my veil it looks like it should have been on top of the cake, and all my bridesmaids have some hideous pile of Medusa curls on top of their head. The only smart one was my maid of honor! She had shorter hair and no pile of ridiculous curls!! My hair is in an up-do and looks non-existent and I look like I have two black eyes from the ugly eyeshadow. Ughhhhh!!!!!!!! If somebody accidently taped over this video I would be so happy!!
Ahhh, the things they don't tell you about marriage-
1. Your husband will pee all over the toilet seat and down the side of the toilet- you will discover this is why your bathroom always smells like pee.
2, Your husband will actually suggest getting a little rug for in front of the toilet, so that no one will notice he's peed outside the toilet. THIS IS NOT AN OPTION!!!! PEE IN THE TOILET!!!!!
3. Your husband takes the obey part he says of the vows seriously- he really wants you to obey, especially when it comes to NOT wearing sweatpants to bed at night even though he insists on keeping the house like the frozen Siberian Tundra.
4. No matter how much your husband says he will help with the kids, he won't unless you ask. It doesn't matter if your dead tired from working, making dinner, cleaning up etc. The husband will still sit in front of Monday Night Football as you try to wrangle a filthy, tired child upstairs to the bathtub. There is not a bone in his body that feels the need to help!
5. When you finally ask for help, your husband will tell you to quit complaining!
6. After he's done watching the game and likely taking a nap and you're done washing the fiesty 5 year old, getting teeth brushed, hair dried, reading to them etc. The husband will come upstairs take off his clothes and expect you to be a porn star in bed. At this point, all I'm thinking is- please let me lay here and get this over with so I can walk the dog!
These are just a few things no one tells you about marriage. I know there are many more and I will expand on this at a later date I'm sure. In the mean time, have a good laugh and watch your wedding video!